NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN

Having cancer makes you think differently about a lot of things. It also for me has given me some perspective on looking at things a little differently when needed. I am aware of the fact that I am (somewhat) stubborn and that sometimes becomes even more so as I age. Having said that, I also find that sometimes I am able to let things go easier than I would when I was young.

Keeping that in mind, I want to tell you a story about an incident that happened to me recently while out on a shopping expedition with my daughter and grandchildren. I first need to give you some background on how this all came about.

Several weeks ago I wrote about the fact that my husband and I did not meet and marry until we were both over sixty years of age. This means that we had both lived a long time, very full lives before we became a couple and decided to make a new life together.

We both had very fulfilling careers for many years. When we met, I was still working and he was at that time retired. That has now changed during the last five to six years. He is now working again and I am home. I was not sure I was ready to be completely retired but being ill has made that a reality. To be trueful, I still sometimes think about whether or not I could work again in some capacity.

Anyway, that’s not my point here. As I said we both had fulfilling careers and full lives before we met. We both earned good enough money that we had good lives. We could afford to buy the things that we wanted and/or needed, we travelled, we each had bought several homes over our lifetimes. We shopped in the best stores, wore the best clothes and just accepted that this was the way it was. We lived in nice houses, in the nice part of town, nicely decorated, nicely furnished. Over the years, we have discovered that we both had often moved from one house to another, each one getting bigger and more expensive because we had spouses that wanted this. We each just “went along to get along”. We didn’t question whether or not we wanted to do this, it just was. The point is we had materially at least, really good lives. I’m pretty sure that that’s another story to be told later. This is all background for the point of my story.

In the time that we have been together, we have lived in two places. Just before we got married, we bought a house. It was not a fancy house but it was in a small town on a street that has lovely neighbours and we thought that it was what we wanted. Over the next few years, we realized that not only did neither one of us want to be homeowners or carry the responsibilities for a house anymore, but more than that, neither one of us was sure that we ever had wanted that.

At the same time as we came to this realization, our lives changed financially. For reasons that I am not ready to talk about yet, we had some significant financial losses. Some were just bad decisions, some of those bad decisions were that we both decided for probably the first time in our lives, that we would throw caution to the winds and do whatever we wanted. Some of it was helping others, there are no regrets there. Actually, we have talked this over many times and decided that there are no regrets at all. That was then and this was now. I don’t like the fact that I worry constantly about money even though we manage to pay our bills and have a happy life.

So when we sold the house (partly because as I said we didn’t want to be homeowners any more and partly because financially we needed to) there was a big decision to be made about where to live. Ultimately we decided to contact my old landlord about a vacancy. This decision was partly made for cost as it is more than affordable but part of our decision is because the couple that own this complex are wonderful landlords and we knew that if anything happened to either one of us, we would be in good hands with people who care. Fortunately, he had a brand new vacancy and we moved in six years ago.

The thing is, our home now has lots of space for us with everything we need and as I said, landlords who look after the space and us so well. It, however, is not in the nicest part of town, far from it and is surrounded by industrial lands and factories and could use lots of improvements – all cosmetic. The truth is, I like living here. It meets my needs, my husband is most happy. HOWEVER, I have found that I care what people think. Not everybody mind you, just people from my past that I know will care. I have long maintained that I am not a snob but maybe a little, I guess. Anyway, I have lots of mixed feelings about this. I know at this moment, it is not my biggest concern compared to the fact that I have cancer, but I will be happy to simplify everything going on in my head, so I try to come to terms with it.

Now, about my grandchildren. We were on our way to our shopping expedition and my daughter and I were discussing rental costs in our city, or any city for that matter. The costs are completely beyond our reach. I said to my daughter, “I better not think about moving”. My granddaughter, who is twelve, said, “Nana, you can’t move!”. I asked her why it mattered to her so much. She said that she loves all the green lawn surrounding us and the little forest at the edge of the driveway. You see, we live in this little greenspace within the industrial section. She said, I love all that. Afterwards, I was telling my husband and he totally agreed with her. What I realized at her comments is that it’s all in the way you look at it. I can see all that I think isn’t there and worry about other’s opinions, or I can enjoy what is there. In reminding me of this, she taught me a valuable lesson and I’m grateful.