I haven’t written anything in quite a while and quite honestly, I just haven’t had the motivation to do so. Nonetheless, I have had to have the energy to be there for radiation everyday for he past three weeks.
There is no question that having radiation therapy is just a completely different experience than chemo, for just so many reasons.
I want to share my first experience in preparing for radiation therapy. This has been my second time to attend a radiation preparation session. Since my treatment plan was changed so many times, it has been necessary to start all over again (but for my tattoos, they stay the same). On the way to the cancer centre for my preparation meeting, I said to Vic, “here we go again. I’m going to be lying on a table naked from the waist up while two young men that I think are about fourteen or so years old work to prepare radiation therapy for me”. I know that this is because of my own age that these two young men appear so young, but really, they look like young teenagers! I don’t want to intimate in any way that they are not professional and good at their job, they certainly were, but oh my gosh, they’re young. I told them about this when I arrived and thank goodness they weren’t insulted and laughed as much as I did.
There is a routine and protocols to coming to the radiation floor in the cancer centre. When you receive your schedule, there is a bar code at the top of the page. When you arrive each day for your session, you scan your bar code to check in. You then proceed to the waiting area assigned to you. They are all along a lo-o-o-o-ong hallway. When I arrive at 20F (one of my new radiation friends said you can remember it as in F for the farthest away). You then proceed to the change room area, change into a gown and wait in the waiting room.
One of the most interesting things about attending every day for radiation is that you see many of the same people every day. Indeed, the waiing rooms outside each radiation room is like a small community. There is lots of conversation, a “we’re all in this together” feeling and a much more positive overall feeling to being in the chemo suite.
On one of the days in my first week, the radiation therapists were running behind and every appointment was late. The waiting room was full and some people had been there quite a long time. When the therapist came out to get the next person, she apologized to all of us for the wait. One of the men said, “Hey, we’re here for the cure. We’ll wait!”. We all laughed but that’s the truth, isn’t it?
Another day we were waiting and there was a man pushing his wife in her wheelchair and they were waiting for her session. She said hello to us all and then said, “Another day, another zap!”. I’m telling yu this because it is an indicator of the general mood. Everyone is pleasant and friendly. On occasion there are people there who are very quiet, appear very tired and everyone else is most respectful of them.
Last Friday was a big day in 20F. My radiation friend that I have been chatting to every day for the past three weeks was having her last session. She was most excited about ringing the bell. A friend had come with her from St. Catharines and another woman came to celebrate with her as she had completed her sessions just a couple of weeks ago. In the waiting room were myself and another woman that we chatted to many times over the past few weeks. We all told cancer stories and shared experiences and laughed – a lot. As we walked down the hall for her to ring the bell, I said, “oh my gosh, this is the first time I’ve seen you with clothes on.”. We’ve always been in hospital gowns As I said, it is like a community and it is one in which we all are coming from the same place.
I read a story online by a woman who had just completed all of her chemo treatments. She said that she wanted to say, “well, what now?”. I undestand completely what she was saying. My life for the last eighteen months has revolved around my diagnosis, doctor and hospital appointments and different tests, treatments and therapies. It’s what you think about all the time, what you do all the time and it’s like that life is gone and how do I go back to “normal”?
I have certainly found that going to radiation is my whole schedule. My appointments are around noon or later in the day and that means it’s most of my day. One day of each week, you see the radiation oncologist as well as attending your radiation session. I always have plans for after the appointments but find I am so tired that I just want to go home.
The side effects of radiation are pretty much as was described to me. As I say, I always have plans for what I’m going to do after my appointment but then I just want to sleep. This is different than ‘chemo tired’. With chemo, I was exhausted and didn’t want to move. With radiation, I want to sleep. The doctor was right, a nap is good. My skin is just now starting to show the effects. It is red and slightly stinging, much like a sunburn. My breast is swollen, red and hot. I still have many chemo effects – my knees and hips hurt a great deal and walking is difficult. They tell me it could be a long time before this goes away.
I look forward to ringing the bell this time. This time, it really is the end of treatment. Certainly it is not the end of my time at Juravinski Cancer Centre. As my oncologist said, “oh no, we’re not done, we’re in a five year relationship here”. There are so many decisions to make about further treatmen, She has to find which drugs will work for me with the least side effects.
Anyway, we are in the home stretch for these intense treatments. It will be time to find out what “normal life” is moving forward.
