This week I seem to have one phrase on my mind. It is the expression “it takes a village to raise a child”. I have tried to figure out why it has become so important to me at this time. I think it’s because I’ve spent a fair amount of time this week thinking about all of the people who are helping me along on this journey. I then wondered if it was because this phrase was appropriate to where I’m at or was it just to take me to a place where my mind and heart wanted to be. I’ve decided that it was a directional signal for me because as I think about all those who have become so incredibly central in my life and in my journey, I thought, is it my village? And I’ve decided, its my own circle of love and care. You might notice that my circle is not closed – it is open for any other and to grow bigger. At this moment, there are those who have held me in their own circle of love to get me through.
I am working so hard to find the words to describe my gratitude and love for my husband through this whole past year. I’m sure many times he has felt like the chauffeur, the maid, the nurse, the whipping post and doesn’t know at all how much I appreciate everything he has done and continues to do. But I do appreciate it, and it’s like he is my legs. I don’t know how I would get up every day without him. I know too that my moods are often dependent on how my body is feeling that day and so many days I’m feeling so unwell that being pleasant is beyond me. He gets it, he gets me. The other day I looked over at him and I could see he was biting his tongue (discreetly, I might add) and said nothing when it would have been so easy to tell me exactly what he thought of my latest complaint. Not only has he been so agreeable and supportive, he still manages to make me laugh at least once a day and that’s so important. I love you honey!
My children’s love and support has been so, so important. My daughter is the only one of my children who lives close and even though she has a very busy life, lives with constant chronic pain and has two growing children, she calls not ony to say hello but to update me as I’m missing so much time with my grandchidren and never goes out to run errands without asking if I need anything or want to go. I won’t pretend we don’t have an ongoing argument about the use of a wheelchair but we get past it and go. She listens when I call “just to whine” and allows me to describe not only my ailments but my fear for the changes in my body. Her and her children come each week to have dinner and take out the garbage on Thursdays and call whenever they are going for a treat to ask if I would like to go. Their time, love and care has been so very important and I don’t know what I would do without them. My sons call so often as they are so far away but their calls mean so much to me. My son in Calgary calls almost daily and our calls go in all sorts of directions and I love our talks. He also has so mnay questions about my condition and my treatments that cause me to learn more as we go. I don’t know if I’ve told him how much I love these calls but I do. My eldest son is more than an eight hour drive away but his calls cheer me and keep me up to date with his family. He has had his own cancer journey so is aware of the ongoing feelings, fears and questions and it is helpful to discuss all this with him. I am so blessed.
I have to mention three friends who have become so very important through my illness.
I have a friend that has remained constant throughout my journey. She calls, texts and keeps me supplied with reading materials. We have know each other as well as worked together for more than thirty years and the shared history is so important as she knows who I have been as well as who I am at the moment. She comes for visits and I tell her to tell me all about what’s happening in the outside world. It makes me feel involved, up to date and alive. I receive messages regularly from her and it always includes “what do you need?” I am so very thankful for her friendship, her loyalty and her time.
My fifty plus year friend is also my ex sister-in-law. I tell people that I ‘’got her in the divorce’. It is hard to describe how great she has been to us over the past year. She has driven me to appointments, brought us food, brought me books, called often and her parting words are always, ‘call if you need anything, love you’. she means it, call if you need anything. You don’t get many friends like that and I am grateful that she is mine.
It has been a great surprise to hear from an old friend. She was actually a colleague and friend but we haven’t seen each other for more than twenty years but for social media. When she heard of my diagnosis, she contacted me immediately,. Her support has been wonderful and ongoing. She calls me weekly just to chat (or listen me moan and complain), sends me caring texts and messages throughout each week and just reminds me how much she cares. This week she is accompanying me to chemo and we are going to visit through the five hour treatment. I can’t believe how excited I am about going to chemo! She has been a lovely support and lifts my spirits often.
The circle of people who I’ve told about my cancer diagnosis is not large. I must say that there are some friends that I was so sure I would hear from immediately who have acted as if they didn’t hear. I have come to believe that there are people who see or hear the word cancer and instantly retreat. It’s as if it’s contagious and if they talk about or are around it they will be susceptible. Or maybe they don’t know what to say. How about, “how are you?”
My circle of love and care also includes all those wonderful professionals who are treating me along the way. They are kind, compassionate, capable and I know how lucky we are to live in a city with such an outstanding cancer facility.
This circle can expand and I’m sure it will along the way. It wil include so many as there are good people out there. For all those who make up my circle at this time, I am grateful, humbled and blessed – thank you all!
