It has been a while since I have written anything- it’s been a very busy time.
First, Vic has been quite unwell. It’s almost as if our bodies knew that our doctor schedule had calmed down some and it was okay for his body to do its own dreadful thing. He had been feeling very tired and often out of breath. He saw his doctor who had some concerns and was moving forward with the appropriate tests. One day not so long after that appointment, I looked at him struggling just to walk up the driveway and thought, “oh no, this looks a lot like the heart failure incident a few years ago”. He had some chest pain and shortness of breath and the emergency doctors admitted him and replaced a stent in his chest. I’ve always been fascinated with this wonder of medicine. They do this short procedure, insert a stent and it’s almost like you can get off the table and carry on with your life again. At least, that’s how it’s been with each of us.
So off we go to the hospital to see what’s happening. The emergency department in our local hospital is so very busy and the waiting is long. We are old enough that we remember when you came in with chest pain and shortness of breath you were admitted immediately and looked after. Today it is such that they take some blood, do an electrocardiogram and if they deem the results not scary, you’re back waiting in the waiting room. We ended up waiting for more than ten hours. We saw so many people come and go and several with dreadful coughs.
Two of them openly told everyone that they had covid and so now there is another level of worry! In the end we were referred to the ‘urgent’ cardiac clinic for later in the week.
A week later, a week spent worrying and with him afraid to do almost anything, we saw the cardiologist. Turns out he has heart failure and severe anemia that is causing the shortness of breath and fatigue. These are such serious conditions that we both were quite nervous and looking for answers. The trouble is, we’re looking for immediate answers and that’s not happening. After a visit back to the family doctor, he was scheduled for a blood transfusion.
He received two pints of blood and over the four or five hours of his procedure, I visited with the women receiving chemo treatments next door. It was an interesting day and I felt that I had been to my own support group; it helps to talk to people who have been where you are.
We compared aches, pains, hair growth and stories and our hopes and fears. I felt somewhat lighter when we left and he was hopeful that he too would feel better soon. The first few days weren’t what we hoped for but later in the week, he seemed to regain some strength and colour. The doctors are concerned about the anemia and many tests are scheduled over the next couple of months. I have lost track of the amount of time we have spent over the last couple of years waiting for test results and answers.
I have to admit that I was most frightened for him. You know, we know we’re getting old(er), we know our bodies are tired, we know that we should expect that parts are wearing out and breaking down but it’s always a surprise when things start happening. It’s almost as if in our heads we say, “what? How? I want to keep doing what I’ve always done and why can’t I do it?”.
You know that old joke, if I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself? Well, I’m pretty sure that ‘s how many of us feel. I still have lots I want to do and lots of live to live and he feels the same way. Vic says that he never expected to live to this age and it’s a gift. For sure it is but we want more. I want more for him and with him.
I know that there is lots wrong with our medical system but I also know how very lucky we are to have it. While sitting in the emergency room for all those hours I heard so many people complaining about the wait, or the care, or the staff, or, or, or. The funny thing was that they were making threats to go to every politician at every level, never ones that were involved at all. Fear and frustration cause all kinds of behaviours. As I said, I know it’s not even close to perfect but I also know that I watched dedicated staff going over and above to try to take care of us all and I am most grateful for them all and for the care that we receive.
So now we will go on looking after each other and find ways to keep each other company in so many waiting rooms and clinics. One day at a time but not necessarily one of us at a time.
