For sure one of the things I’ve found about having cancer is all the time I have on my hands. My whole life, I’ve been busy – to do lists, calendars, calls to return, things to do. Even since I’ve been retired I’ve been busy with so many projects that make me happy. These days, especially since my surgery, there is a lot of time that I am doing nothing – nothing! I watch a lot of television. I found it fascinating that when I was little, we had seven channels. Now I have access to over eighty channels and complain that I have nothing to watch. I watch a lot of the same shows regularly – I even seem to have a television schedule.
I just watched a Hallmark Christmas movie. Well, I just watched ANOTHER Christmas Hallmark movie. Now, before you get all judgy, judgy, I like them. I won’t pretend that I don’t occasionally get a little bored part way through when you know exactly what is going to happen but the details are almost always interesting.
The cynical part of me can easily be tempted to call it schmaltz. I got curious as to why we call it that so I looked it up. Schmaltz, by dictionary definition is artistic works, such as music or writing, that are intended to cause strong sad or romantic feelings but have no real artistic value. I don’t know about artistic value, but for me, they have mood altering value. For me, they are a reminder of simpler times when we believed in romance and things were predictable. Maybe that’s why I like these movies right now, because I have no idea what’s going to happen with me and I feel like I have no control, so predictable is not how I’d describe things. When I say predictable, I mean that we felt that we knew that we could look forward to things working out in the end. I know from many years of working with people who after many years of not so good things happening, had lost the ability to look forward to things getting better or working out. These people would say, “if I let myself hope for better things, I will be disappointed if they don’t happen”. Well, you know what? If they don’t happen, you will be disappointed anyway, so allow yourself to look for the good. When you approach things from the positive side, you behave in such a way that it makes things happen.
When I think of looking for the positive, I think of a dear friend that was a very important part of my life many years ago. She is gone now and I think of her with love, respect and so, so many memories. She had a spark, an energy, intelligence and creativity that was beyond exciting to watch. And it was so contagious!
You couldn’t help but get caught up in every new idea that she had. Not only that, she was the most supportive friend I ever had. At the lowest point of my life, she stood by me and only interfered when she was afraid for my safety. She just had a talent for saying and doing what you needed most. On the day that I discovered that my husband was having an affair, her response was, “I thought so, but hoped not”. My first reaction was to be angry but then she explained that if it was going to be a short affair and she told me, it could and would destroy any hopes for a better future with him. If it wasn’t and he was going to leave, I was going to find out anyway and she knew that’s when I would need her. So many people would have just blurted it out with their need to tell and it would serve no purpose as she pointed out to me.
She instinctively knew that it was going to be more important to be there for me when I was going to need her and not so important that she be the one to tell me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if indeed he had ended it and we went on with our lives, she would never have said a thing. I so admired her for that. I learned so many things from her and want to share one that has stayed with me ever since we met. She told me that each morning when she wakes up she doesn’t put one foot on the floor to get out of bed until she can think of one good thing that is going to happen that day. If she doesn’t already know of one, she decides right then what thing she is going to do that will be good and feel good. A pretty good way to start each day, don’t you think? It’s particularly important to me right now.
So what does all this have to do with my watching Hallmark movies? This goes back to the schmaltz thing. Sure, I know that they are schmaltzy, mushy and simplistic, but they are also romantic, pleasant and hopeful. This brings me to the most important lesson I learned from my friend. She used to say, if someone says something to you that you can take more than one way, take it the good way. I have adopted this as a reminder for so many relationships, incidents and conversations. It is so easy, to take immediate offense or place blame or get angry, when it could be just as easy to take it in a positive way. Anger, regret and blame have a way of eating at you. You know that old saying, ““Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It’s true, it eats at you from the inside out. Why not just let it go and look for the good?
And that’s why I watch Hallmark movies, they remind me to look for the good.
