So, my surgery was eight days ago and I must say that I’m not doing so well. Now, having said that, this morning when I woke up, the pain was less for sure and I know that means healing is happening. I made the mistake of asking Google how I should be feeling by now. The Google doctor says that I could be going to work and back to the gym at this stage. Hell, I’m still working on raising my arm more than ninety degrees. The surgeon told me prior to the surgery that it would feel like a razor burn and that’s an exact description. When I move my arm, brush past the furniture, touch my breast as I dress, it feels like a razor is removing skin from my armpit and the area all around it. I always consider myself tough with a pretty high pain threshold and now I feel somewhat wimpy.
Yesterday I met with the radiation oncologist. It is amazing the size of the team that is created when you go through this experience. I have completely lucked out with my team! I have been thrilled with all of my doctors – my surgeon, my oncologist, now my radiation oncologist and all those who work with them. Not only do they inspire confidence with their specialized knowledge, they are kind, they listen and make me feel that I can get through this.
The appointment with the radiation oncologist was a sobering event. A great deal of time was spent explaining radiation, the procedure, all of the steps leading up to that and what exactly it is. He spent quite a bit of time explaining not only what radiation is but what it does to your body and why it is important. The statistics are staggering in that radiation will work to reduce the risk that cancer will return in the affected breast. He could not however, tell me when we are going to start as there is such a shortage of medical personnel to prepare the slides of my biopsy that was done during the surgery. Until that happens, a pathologist cannot determine what it happening in there. He did let me know that it needs to begin within twelve weeks of my surgery and he is hopeful this will happen on time. It is frightening to think of the number of people waiting on results, tests, procedures due to lack of personnel to make it happen.
Here is my amusing story about the upcoming radiation. First, I need to inform that we have a number of people in our family who love getting tattoos. My husband has a serious issue with this; in his words the only people with tattoos are sailors and inmates. Nonetheless, we have lots of tattooed folk. When they explained to me that I would receive three dots tattooed to pinpoint the exact location that the radiation has to be directed to, I shared this information with my grandchildren as they have had questions through every step of this journey. When I told them about the tattoo, my grandson, said, “oh Nana, Papa is not going to be happy about this.”
I was sent home with homework. I need to practice raising my arm until I can hold it on the top of my head for fifteen minutes at a time as that is what is required for the procedure. I also have to be able to hold my breath for forty seconds. Holding your breath moves your heart back so that it is not touched by the radiation. At dinner last night, my daughter, my grandchildren and I all practiced holding our breath for forty seconds. It was quite the contest. I found today that if I practice the energy, breathing techniques and relaxation exercises that I have done for years, I can make it!
For me, the reason that the appointment was, as I said, sobering is that it made everything so real. I know that may sound a little stupid as everything that has happened so far, including and specifically my surgery, is very real. I think the difference this visit was the statistics about the possibilities of recurring cancer and the fact that my lymph nodes were so affected.
I will be receiving twenty-five to twenty-eight radiation treatments. That amounts to once a day, five days a week for five to six weeks. Also, I am to meet with the radiation oncologist weekly.
I am aware of how many times that I have said, ‘one day at a time’ and indeed, I feel that this may be a good mantra for healing and seeing my body recover. I don’t think though that it is a good one for this whole experience because it makes it so easy to do nothing but sit around a think about the cancer. I’m working on a new one for looking to the future.
Affirmations and such work well for me, so I’m working on this new one. Stay tuned ……………
