Several years ago I bought a set of IKEA silverware. It wasn’t expensive and it has plastic handles on all of the pieces. I like buying kitchenware at IKEA because it’s not costly and I can change to new ones whenever I like without guilt.
I say without guilt because I was raised by parents who lived through the war and through the depression. You didn’t throw things out just because you didn’t like them anymore. That they lived through these tough times meant that they were always concerned with whether or not there was enough and would there be enough tomorrow. It was a time when you repaired things instead of throwing them out; you wore things until you either outgrew them or they just wore out. I don’t know if everyone’s Dad was like mine, but he could fix anything. I also remember many nights sitting with my Mom while she darned my Dad’s socks. I’ll bet that there is a large part of our population who doesn’t know what that phrase means – that we would fix a hole in a sock to keep on wearing it. I truly believe that we took all of this for granted – it was just the way things were. This also meant that my Dad (I guess my Mom felt the same way, but the sentiment and rules came from my Dad) believed that you had to earn everything that you had. I bought my own first bike when I was nine and I don’t remember what chores I did but I had to earn the money. When I was eleven, I used to iron all the laundry for the family of six next door to earn spending money.
So, I have become a person who doesn’t just replace things because they’re not what you like at the moment or because something has gone wrong with it. You fix it or keep it as long as it’s working. I pretty much think that my Dad’s voice is in my head saying, “There’s nothing wrong with it (whatever it was) give it to me while I fix it”. I don’t know if we were poor; I never much thought about it. There wasn’t money for extras, but there we took cottage vacations, had birthday parties and there was lots of love. I have one funny memory that comes back to me often when I grocery shop. I’m sure not many people will remember this or have even heard of it, but in those days margarine came in plastic bags with a dark orange spot in the middle. You squeezed and massaged the bag of margarine until it became the colour of butter. It didn’t taste anything like butter, but it now looked like it. I remember my Dad saying, “By God, I might not have much money, but I damn well am going to have real butter”. I was not happy that in some of my friends’ houses, they got to squeeze the margarine and I didn’t. Funny the things that stay with you.
Back to my silverware and why it has become a dilemma. You see, some of the pieces have broken and I can tell from the feel of the rest of them that they are not going to last much longer. I told my husband that I was going to need a trip to IKEA to get some new silverware. Then I thought about the fact that my Mom’s silver is in a chest that we use for holiday dinners and for company. There is a complete set and then a partial set of another pattern that my Mom received as a wedding present in 1946. Now I’m well aware that my children are not going to know what to do with any of this. My kids, stepkids, and grandkids are not big on perfectly set tables or “getting out the good stuff for company”. They really don’t care if they are using the good silver and china, the everyday silver and china or even paper plates. So what’s going to happen to it?
The “good stuff” was really important to my Mom and Dad’s generation. They had to work so hard for everything they had and so valued and cherished that which they had. Having everyday things meant your clothes, shoes, silver, china, dishes and furniture. I don’t think I realized how much of this had become a part of me.
Now I have to decide if I’m going to buy another IKEA set or just use Mom’s stuff everyday. Logic and emotion tell me that I should get out Mom’s things and use them but old habits die hard. And old habits are such that you save the good stuff for company.
So here’s how all this relates to the fact that – well several facts I guess – that I am seventy three years old and that I have cancer. Now I fully expect to recover, that’s my plan but having cancer makes you re-evaluate so many things. The point is, why not use them? I’m pretty sure it will give me great pleasure to see them on the table every day. Actually, I’m really sure of that. Oh good, the decision’s made, I’m getting out Mom’s stuff.
I know that there are several poems and sayings that tell us to do what makes us happy and not store things away waiting for the right time to bring them out and wear them or use them. It’s not until it’s real that I really had to think about what it means. So now, I’m going to spend some time thinking about all of the things that bring me pleasure or a smile and make sure that I’m doing the ones that I can, as much as I can.
