I started
writing this just as a way to get some of the thoughts out of my head, thinking
that if I put them on paper I could put them away. It then became habit to sit down every few
days and review what was happening and sort out my thoughts and feelings. When
I mentioned to someone in conversation that I had been recording my cancer
journey they said that I should share as others may be interested and so here
we are!
Because my
mom had cancer, her mom had cancer and my mom’s sister had cancer, I have
always had a nagging fear that my day would come. Still, when I did get my diagnosis, it was a
shock nonetheless. I have to admit that
I was not prepared for any of the feelings that I had, and the many fears – new
ones every day.
I have tried
to figure out why I want to share this story with others. I think perhaps because what I felt and am
feeling throughout this whole journey is something that others, whether or not
they have had their own cancer experience, may empathize with. The other reason is that I’m thinking that
sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences will take away some of the
‘aloneness’ of this whole thing. Even
though I have a supportive family, supportive friends and great medical
personnel, there is still this huge feeling of being alone in it all.
Please note
that I am not writing this to obtain medical advice, new thoughts and theories
of my cancer or information that others think I should know. I feel as if this
would be going down ‘that great rabbit hole of Google information’ that my
doctors warn me about all the time. It
took some time for me to realize they are so right, it was a dangerous place to
be and I spent so much time there in the beginning but learned to stop for
sure.
For those of
you who have decided to read and share my journey, thank you for your interest
and thank you for helping me in building my support system and helping me work
on my alone feelings.
